Sunday, November 13, 2011

Saturday, A Week Later

Moving day had made my weekend a little brighter at first, as well as the fact that it looks as if Ruth and Walter are getting along better. Ruth told me, "Lord, that man – don’t changed so ‘round here. You know – you know what we did last night? Me and Walter Lee?… We went to the movies." For once, those two got along well enough to be a semi-normal couple. After that comment, I got into teasing with the family. Walter then claimed that all I was interested in was race. Maybe it's because the rest of the family is so content with racial issues that I am so stuck on them. As they just accept the racial stereotypes, I fight back. I'd rather harp on racial issues than settle on them. The best example is when then Mr. Lindner came, and all racial issues became clear even for them...

I was surprised my family stood by me on the same page through the buy-out, especially Walter. Maybe Ruth claiming Walter and I actually have something in common was right. She stated, "You and your brother seem to have that as a philosophy of life". Maybe we both want things big, but I want them big and equal and he just doesn't care how he makes it big.

However, I still do not see how Walter could ever make it big with the decisions he makes. My heart sunk today when I heard Walter state, "Gone, what you mean Willy is gone? Gone where? You mean he went by himself. You mean he went off to Springfield by himself – to take care of getting the license – "

His part of the money. My part of the money. Gone. Hopes, dreams, shattered. But when Mama began to beat Walter, even I could not let the beating continue. No matter how dumb of a choice he made, a good black woman needs to look after her family. My heart is shattered, and I do not see how a future where I can continue my efforts can live on.

If I cannot become a doctor and fulfill myself as the woman I had intended to be, then who shall I become? How can I reshape my identity this far down the road when I had everything so planned out?

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